下载文档第一篇：英语小幽默
The father and his son
Father: You know, Tom.When Lincoln was your age,he was a very good student.In fact, he was thebest student in his class.Tom:Yes, father.I know that.But when he was your
age, he was President of the U.S.A.
第二篇：英语小幽默
Joke:Bill, AL and Bill
Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed.They're up in heaven, and God`s sitting on the great white throne.God addressed Al first.“Al, what do you believe in?”
Al replied, “Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used,the whole earth will become a
greenhouse and we`ll all die.” God thinks for a second and said, “Okay, I can live with that.Come and sit at my left.”
God then addresses Bill Clinton.“Bill, what do you believe in?”
Bill Clinton replies, “Well, I believe in power to the people.I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do.I also believe in feeling people`s pain.” God thinks for a second and says
“Okay, that sounds good.Come and sit at my right.”
God then address Bill Gates.“Bill Gates, what do you believe in?”
Bill Gates said, “I believe you`re in my chair.”
人之初：At the begining of life.性本善：Sex is good.性相近：Basically,all the sex are same.习相远：But it depends on how the way you do it.苟不教：If you do not practise all the time.性乃迁：Sex will leave you..教之道：The way of learning it
贵以专：is very important to make love with only one person.昔孟母：Once a great mother, Mrs Meng
择邻处：chose her neighbour to avoid bad sex influence.子不学：If you don't study hard,断机杼：Your Dick will become useless.窦燕山 Dou, the Famous
有义方 owned a very effective exciting medicine
教五子 All his five son took it
名俱扬 and their sexual ability were well-kown.养不教 If your children don't know how to do it,父之过 It is all your fault.教不严 If they had lots of problems with it,师之惰 their teach must be too lazy to tell them details on sex.子不学 You may refuse to study this
非所宜 but that is a real mistake
幼不学 If you don't learn it in childhood,老何为 you will lose your ability when aged
玉不琢 If you don't exercise your dick,不成器 It won't become hard and strong.人不学 If you don't learn sex,不知义 You can by no means enjoy its sweetness
Bush got something wrong with his brain.After medical examination, doctor tells him:
Your brain has two parts: one is left, and another is right.Your left brain has nothing right,Your right brain has nothing left.Old Man And Donkey
There was an old man, a boy and a donkey.They were going to town and it was decided that the boy should ride.As they went along they passed some people who thought that it was a shame for the boy to ride and the old man to walk.The man and boy decided that maybe the critics were right so they changed positions.Later, they passed some more people who thought that it was a real shame for that man to make such asmall boy walk.The two decided that maybe they both should walk.Soon they passed some more people who thought that it was stupid to walk when they had a donkey to ride.The man and the boy decided maybe the critics were right so they decided that they both should ride.They soon passed other people who thought that it was a shame to put such a load on a poor little animal.The old man and the boy decided that maybe the critics were right so they decided to carry the donkey.As they crossed a bridge they lost their grip on the animal and it fell into the river and drowned.The moral of the story is...if you try to please everyone, you will eventually lose your ass.
第三篇：英语幽默小短文
英语幽默小短文
The Old Cat
An old woman had a cat.The cat was very old;she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old.One day the old cat saw a mouse;she jumped and caught the mouse.But she could not bite it;so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it.Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse.She began to hit the cat.The cat said, “Do not hit your old servant.I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old.Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young.”
第四篇：英语小幽默（热门46篇）
小文档网会员为你精心整理了46篇《英语小幽默》的范文，但愿对你的工作学习带来帮助，希望你能喜欢！
篇一：英语幽默小故事
Don't Pick Up the Money on the Ground
An economist professor and a student are walking down the street when they see a $20 bill lying on the sidewalk in front of them.The student goes to pick up the money but his professor stops him and tells him not to bother.Why not?
If it were a real twenty-dollar bill, someone would have picked it up already.Everything that can be invented has been invented.别捡地上的钱
一位经济学教授和一名学生正在大街上行走，这时他们看到前面的人行道上躺着一张20美元面值的钞票。学生走过去准备捡，教授制止了他，告诉他别自寻烦恼。
“为什么不捡?”
“假如那是一张真20美元钞票的话，早就有人捡走了。”
“该发明的都已经被发明出来了。”
篇二：英语幽默小故事
The Less You Know, the More Money You Make
Theorem: Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives.Now a rigorous mathematical proof that explains why this is true:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.Postulate 2: Time is Money.As every engineer knows, Power=Work/Time.Since Knowledge=Power, and Time=Money, we have
Knowledge=Work/Money.Solving for Money, we get: Money=Work/Knowledge.Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done.Conclusion: The less you know, the more money you make.知识越少挣钱越多
定理：工程师和科学家永远应当比经济专家挣钱少。
下面是对该定理的一个严格的数学证明：
假设一：知识就是力量(Power)。
假设二：时间就是金钱。
每个工程师都知道：功率(Power)=。既然知识=力量，时间=金钱，我们有：知识=。求解金钱表达式，我们得到：金钱=。
因此，当知识趋于零时，无论你做了多少功，金钱趋于无穷大。
结论：知识越少，你挣得的金钱就越多。
篇三：英语幽默小故事
They Should Be Playing at Night
A therapist, a priest and an economist go golfing.The group ahead of them is extremely slow, leading to some frustration among the three.Their complaints are overheard, and a man from the group ahead walks over to them.He introduces himself as an aide because the group of golfers he is with is blind!The aide thanks the three in appreciation for their patience for the blind golfers.The priest goes, “Oh no, all my life I've preached for all to be better to my fellow man and here I am complaining about the blind!” The therapist says, “I've been trained my whole life to help others and here I am complaining about the blind, shame on me!” The economist says, “Oh no!They should be playing at night.”
他们本该在晚上打球
神父、心理学家和经济学家三人结伴打高尔夫。前面的一组打球进度极其缓慢，这让三人大为恼火。他们开始抱怨，前面那组中的一人听到抱怨声后朝他们走了过来。他自我介绍说是前面那组球手们的助手，因为那组球手都是盲人。助手感谢他们三位耐心等待。神父听后忙说：“哦，不会吧?我一辈子都在祈祷同胞们过上更美好的生活，而我却在这里抱怨这些盲人!”心理学家也赶紧说：“我一生的信条是帮助别人，可是我却在这里抱怨这些盲人，我真惭愧!”这时只听经济学家说：“哦，别这样!他们本该在晚上打球的。”
篇四：英语幽默小故事
A fellow pilot flying over the Midwest heard an air-traffic controller trying to contact an airliner for normal frequency change.“Flight 354，“said the controller，“contact Kansas City Center on frequency 135.5.“The request was repeated several times with no reply from the pilot.Finally，in exasperation the controller raised his voice.”Flight 354，Simon says contact Kansas City Center on frequency 135.5.”The call was acknowledged with an emharrassed reply and prompt compliance.一名飞行员在中西部上空听到地面指挥塔的指挥员在呼叫一民航调整其正常接收频率。“354航班，”指挥塔在呼叫，“请与堪萨斯市中心135.5频率联系。”这一指令重复了几次之后，竟没得到任何回音。最后，指挥塔的指挥员显然是被激怒了，他大声地锐:”354航班，西蒙说速与135.5预率联系。”这一声显然奏效，只听对方慌忙地做了回答并迅速服从了指挥。”
篇五：英语幽默小故事
Even My Driver Can Answer that Question
A famous game theorist, having won the Clark prize, was set to give a series of lectures at prestigious universities throughout the northeast.For the task, he hired a car and driver to take him from place to place.With nothing else to do, the driver would sit in on the highly technical lectures.After several lectures, the driver commented to the economist, “You know, I've heard your lecture so much that I think I could deliver it myself.” The economist found this idea intriguing and decided to switch places with him at his next lecture.The driver gave the talk flawlessly.However, after the lecture, some one in the audience asked him a rather technical question that the driver had no idea how to even begin to answer.The driver considered it for a moment, and then replied, “That question is so easy, even my driver can answer it.”
甚至我的司机都能回答那个问题
一位著名的博弈论专家一获得克拉克奖便开始在东北部各个知名大学展开一系列讲座。为了完成这项任务，他租了一辆车并雇了一名司机载着他到处赶场。没有别的事可做的司机就坐在课堂里听专家那科技含量颇高的讲座。几场讲座下来，司机对这位经济学家说：“我听了这么多次你的讲座，我觉得我自己也能讲了。”经济学家觉得这个想法很有趣，于是决定下次作讲座时他们两个互换位置。
司机完美无瑕地完成了演讲。可是当讲座结束后，听众中有人问了他一个技术含量相当高的问题，他不知如何开口回答。司机沉思了一会，回答道：“这个问题太简单了，连我的司机都能回答。”
篇六：英语幽默小故事
One woman lectured her best friend on the nature of the male animal.“Husbands are like wood fires;they go out if left unattened.”
“Does that mean,” asked the other, “that they make ashes of themselves?”
一名妇女向她最好的朋友大谈雄性动物的特性：“丈夫们就像是森林里的火，一不注意，他们就会燃烧起来。”
“那是不是意味着，”另一个问道，“他们将自己烧成灰烬?”
篇七：英语幽默小故事
A naval officer fell overboard.He was rescued by a deck hand.The officer asked how he could reward him.“The best way, sir,” said the deck hand, “is to say nothing about it.If the other fellows knew I'd pulled you out, they'd chuck me in.”
一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何才能酬谢他。
“最好的办法，长官，”这名水手说，“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他们会把我扔下去的。”
篇八：英语幽默小故事
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.The wife wanted to travel around the world.The fairy waved her hand, and Boom!She had the tickets in her hand.Next, it was the husband's turn.He paused for a moment, then said shyly, “Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me.”
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom!He was ninety.一对结婚25周年的夫妻在庆祝他们六十岁的生日。他们恰好在同一天出生。
庆祝活动中，一位仙女出现了。她说，由于他们是已经结婚25年的恩爱夫妻，因此她给许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望。
妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“��!”的一声，她的手中出现了一张票。
接下来该丈夫许愿了。他犹豫片刻，害羞地说，“那我想要一位比我年轻30岁的女人。”
仙女拾起了魔术棒。“��!”他变成了90岁。
篇九：英语幽默小故事
Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university.However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.“He's a good boy,” said Jack's father, “and if you let him pass this time, I'm sure he'll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well.”
“No, no, that's quite impossible,” replied the professor immediately.“Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn't know!”
“Please, sir, give him another chance,” said Jack's father.“You see, I'm afraid we don't take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill.”
杰克到一所大学去学历史。第一学期结束时，历史课教授没让他及格。学校让他退学。然而，杰克的父亲决定去见教授，强烈要求让杰克继续来年的学业。
“他是个好孩子，”杰克的父亲说：“您要是让他这次及格，我相信他明年会有很大进步，学期结束时，他一定会考好的。”
“不，不，那不可能，”教授马上回答。“你知道吗?上个月我问他拿破仑什么时候死的，他都不知道。”
“先生，请再给他一次机会吧。”杰克的父亲说：“你不知道，恐怕是因为我们家没有订报纸。我们家的人连拿破仑病了都不知道。”
篇十：英语幽默小故事
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18.So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.But John's brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too.This doctor remembered the older boy's family name, so when he saw John's papers, he was surprised.“How old are you?” he said.“Eighteen, sir,” said John.“But your brother was eighteen, too,” said the doctor.“Are you twins?”
“Oh, no, sir,” said John, and his face went red.“My brother is five months older than I am.”
第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。
可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查，这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。
“你多大了?”军医问。
“十八，长官。”约翰说。
“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”
约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”
篇十一：英语幽默小故事
At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend.“Shall I engrave her name on it?” the jeweler asked.The customer thought for a moment, and then said, “No-engrave it 'To my one and only love‘。That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again.”
在一家珠宝店里，一位年轻人买了一个贵重的小金盒作为送给女友的礼物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面吗?”珠宝商问道。
那名顾客想了一会儿，然后说道：“不――在上面刻’给我唯一的爱‘。这样，如果我们闹崩了，我还可以再用到它。”
篇十二：英语幽默小故事
Put Down My Shepherd Dog
Man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of
sheep.He tells the shepherd, “I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock.” The shepherd thinks it over;it's a big flock so he takes the bet.“973,” says the man.The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right.The shepherd says, “OK, I'm a man of my word, take an animal.” Man picks one up and begins to walk away.Wait, cries the shepherd, “Let me have a chance to get even.Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation.” Man says sure.“You are a quantitative economist for a government think tank ,” says the shepherd.“Amazing!” responds the man, “You are exactly right!But tell me, how did you deduce that?”
Well, says the shepherd, “put down my shepherd dog and I will tell you.”
放下我的牧羊犬
有人在乡间小路上偶遇一位牧羊人和一大群绵羊，他对牧羊人说：“我和你打赌，如果我猜中这群羊的数目，我得你一只羊，如猜错，你得我100元。”牧羊人想了一会，认为这一大群羊可不好数，于是欣然接受。“一共973只。”此人脱口说道。牧羊人听后大为惊奇，因为数目的确不错。牧羊人说道：“我是个言而有信的人，拿走一只吧。”于是，此人抱起一只就想离开。
“等等，”牧羊人急忙喊道，“给我一个扳平的机会吧。如果我猜对你的职业的话，你就空手走人，我要是猜错的话，你就再带走一只。”此人欣然同意。“你是一位数量经济学家，在政府智囊机构工作。”牧羊人说道。“太神奇啦!”此人应声说道，“完全正确!可是请告诉我你是如何推论出来的呢?”
“好吧，”牧羊人说道，“先把我的牧羊犬放下来我再告诉你。”
篇十三：英语幽默小故事
Funny Words from Economists(Part One)
Economic statistics are like a bikini, what they reveal is important, what they conceal is vital.—Sir Frank Holmes
I'd rather be vaguely right than【1】 precisely wrong.—J.M.Keynes
Econometrics is the art of drawing a crooked line from an unproved assumption to a foregone conclusion.—Peter Kennedy
When an economist says the evidence is “mixed”, he or she means that theory says one thing and data says the opposite.—Richard Thaler
Theories are testable where they are least needed, and are not testable where they are most needed.—Charles M
——凯恩斯
anski
In the long run 【2】 , we are all dead.—J.M.Keynes
经济学家妙语(一)
经济统计数据就像比基尼，暴露出的那部分固然重要，但没暴露出的那部分才要命。
——弗兰克·霍姆斯爵士
我宁愿稀里糊涂地正确，也不愿明明白白地错误。
——凯恩斯
计量经济学就是在未经证实的假设与预料中的结论之间画曲线的艺术。
——彼得·肯尼迪
当经济学家说证据“混乱”的时候，他或她指的是，理论是一回事而数据是另外一回事。
——理查德·泰勒
理论在最不需要的地方是可验证的，在最需要的地方却得不到验证。
——查尔斯·曼斯基
长期而言，我们都死了。
篇十四：英语幽默小故事
It All Depends
The mathematician's child and the economist's child were in the third grade together, and one day the teacher asked, “If one man with one shovel can dig a ditch in ten days, how long would it take ten men with ten shovels to dig the same ditch?” Both children raised their hands.The teacher said to the mathematician's child, “Johnny , how long?” and little Johnny said, “One day, teacher.”
The teacher looked at the economist's child and said, “John Maynard, is that right?”
Little John Maynard said, “Teacher, it all depends.”
要看情况而定
经济学家的儿子和数学家的儿子是三年级同班同学。一天，老师提出这样的问题：“如果一个人用一把铁锹在10天内挖出一条水渠，那么请问10个人拿10把铁锹，需要多少天才能挖好同样的一条水渠?”两人都举起了手。
老师问数学家的儿子：“约翰尼，需要几天?”小约翰尼答道：“老师，一天。”
老师看着经济学家的儿子，问道：“约翰·梅纳德，他说得对吗?”
小约翰·梅纳德说道：“老师，那要看情况而定。”
篇十五：英语幽默小故事
Einstein's Question
When Albert Einstein died, he met three New Zealanders in the queue outside the Pearly Gates.To pass the time , he asked what were their IQs.The first replied 190.“Wonderful,” exclaimed Einstein, “We can discuss the contribution made by Ernest Rutherford to atomic physics and my theory of general relativity.” The second answered 150.“Good,” said Einstein, “I look forward to discussing the role of New Zealand's nuclear-free legislation in the quest for world peace.” The third New Zealander mumbled 50.Einstein paused, and then asked, “So what is your forecast for the budget deficit next year?”(Adapted from The Economist, June 13th 1992, p.71)
爱因斯坦的困惑
爱因斯坦升天后在天国之门的外面遇到了三个排队的新西兰人。为了打发时间，爱因斯坦就问他们智商有多高。第一个回答说190。“太棒了，”爱因斯坦惊呼道，“我们可以讨论欧内斯特·卢瑟福对原子物理学的贡献以及我的广义相对论了。”第二个回答说150。“不错，”爱因斯坦说，“我期待着和你讨论新西兰的无核立法对世界和平的作用。”第三个人咕哝着说是50。爱因斯坦停顿了一下，然后问道：“那么阁下预测一下明年政府的预算赤字是多少呢?”(改编自1992年6月13日的《济学人》第71页的文章)
篇十六：英语幽默小故事
Where Am I?
A man takes a hot air balloon ride
at a local country fair.A fierce wind suddenly picks up, causing the balloon to violently leave the fair and carry its occupant out into the countryside.The man has no idea where he is, so he brings the balloon down to five meters above ground and asks a passing wanderer, “Excuse me, sir, could you tell me where I am?”
Eyeing the man in the balloon the passer-by says, “You are in a red balloon, five meters above ground.”
The balloon's unhappy resident replies, “You must be an economist.”
How could you possibly know that? asks the passer-by.Because your answer is technically correct but absolutely useless, and the fact is I am still lost.Then you must be in management, replies the passer-by.That's right!How did you know?
You have such a good view from where you are, and yet you don't know where you are and you don't know where you are going.The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now your problem is somehow my fault!
我在哪?
一人在某地区的乡村博览会上乘坐热气球玩。突然一阵狂风刮来，热气球被吹到了一个远离博览会的地方，把这个人带到了乡间。他不知道自己身在何处，因此把热气球降到了距离地面五米的地方，询问一个路人：“打搅一下，先生，可否告诉我我在哪里?”
路人看了看坐在热气球里的这个人后答道：“你在地面之上五米处的一只红色热气球里。”
热气球里的人很不高兴：“你肯定是位经济学家。”
“你怎么知道?”路人问道。
“因为你给出的这个答案技术上完全正确，但是毫无用处，没有改变我迷路的事实。”
“如此说来你一定是位管理人员喽?”路人回敬了一句。
“一点不错!你怎么知道的呢?”
“你在上面的视野那么好，但是不知道自己在哪里，也不知道自己要向哪里去。事实是，你现在的位置和我们相遇之前的位置完全一样，但是你却把你的问题归咎在我身上。”
篇十七：英语幽默小故事
Economist Poem
If you do some acrobatics
with a little mathematics
it will take you far along.If your idea's not defensible
don't make it comprehensible
or folks will find you out ,and your work will draw attention
if you only fail to mention
what the whole thing is about.If an economist you will be,you must talk of GNP
and of elasticity,of rates of substitution,of the other propensity,and marginal this, and marginal that.经济学家之歌
如果你在玩花样的时候
用上一点点数学，它将让你显得高深莫测。
如果你的想法不是无懈可击
那就让它若即若离，不然人们会揭穿你的老底;
你的工作将会引起世人的注意，只要你没有提及
你的葫芦里到底卖的是什么狗皮。
假如你想在将来成为一名经济学家，你就必须谈论国民生产总值
以及弹性系数，必须谈论替代率，谈论其他倾向
以及各种边际。
篇十八：英语幽默小故事
Where Did the Chaos Come from?
An economist, a philosopher, a biologist, and an architect were arguing about what was God's
real profession.The philosopher said, “Well, first and foremost, God is a philosopher because he created the principles by which man is to live.” “Ridiculous!” said the biologist, “Before that, God created man and woman and all living things, so clearly he was a biologist.” “Wrong,” said the architect, “Before that, he created the heavens and the earth.Before the earth, there was only complete confusion and chaos!So clearly he was an architect.” “Well,” said the economist, “where do you think the chaos came from?”
混乱来自何方?
经济学家、哲学家、生物学家和建筑师讨论上帝的真正职业是什么。哲学家说：“首先，上帝是位哲学家，因为他为世人定下了做人的标准。”“多可笑!”生物学家不以为然地说道，“在那之前上帝就创造出了男人、女人和世间众生，因此很显然他是位生物学家。”“错!”建筑师说道，“在那之前上帝创造出了天和地。而在他造出地球之前，世界完全被混乱和混沌所笼罩，因此他是位建筑师。”“那么，”经济学家不慌不忙地说道，“你们认为这些混乱又是谁制造的呢?”
篇十九：英语幽默小故事
What Do Two Plus Two Equal?
A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.The interviewer
calls in the mathematician and asks, “What do two plus two equal?”
The mathematician replies, “Four.” The interviewer asks, “Four, exactly?” The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says, “Yes, four, exactly.”
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question, “What do two plus two equal?” The accountant says, “On average , four—give or take ten percent, but on average, four.”
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question, “What do two plus two equal?” The economist gets up , locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says, “What do you want it to equal?”
2加2等于几?
一位数学家、一位会计师和一位经济学家申请同一份工作。面试官先把数学家叫进了办公室问道：“2加2等于几?”
“等于4。”数学家答道。面试官继续问：“不多不少恰好等于4吗?”数学家感到不可思议，看着面试官答道：“没错啊，就等于4。”
接着，面试官把会计师叫了进来，问了相同的问题：“2加2等于几?”
“通常等于4，但上下有10%的浮动，不过通常等于4。”
最后，面试官把经济学家叫了进来，问了相同的问题：“2加2等于几?”只见经济学家站了起来，关上门，拉上了窗帘，然后坐到面试官旁边，低声问道：“你想让它等于几?”
篇二十：英语幽默小故事
Funny Words from Economists(Part Three)
If you torture the data long enough, Nature will confess.—Ronald Coase
Any observed statistical regularity will tend to【1】 collapse once pressure is placed upon it for control purposes.—Charles Goodhart
Time series regression studies give no sign of converging toward the truth.—Phillip Cagan
Given the choice between Bob Solow and an econometric model to make forecasts, I'd choose Bob Solow;but I'd rather have Bob Solow with an econometric model, than Bob Solow without one.—Paul Samuelson
Keep in mind 【2】 the three most important aspects of real data analysis: compromise, compromise, and compromise.—Edward Learner
经济学家妙语(三)
如果你长时间“折磨”数据，造物主也会“坦白”的。
——罗纳德·科斯
一旦承受被别人操控之压力，任何观察到的统计规律都往往溃不成军。
——查尔斯·古德哈特
时间序列回归分析并没有显示向真理收敛的迹象。
——菲利普·卡甘
如果让我在鲍勃·索洛和计量经济学模型之间进行选择以对经济作出预测，我愿意选择鲍勃·索洛;不过我更愿意选择一个有计量经济学模型的鲍勃·索洛，而不是一个两手空空的鲍勃·索洛。
——保罗·萨缪尔森
记住关于实际数据分析的最重要的三个方面：妥协、妥协、再妥协。
——爱德华·利默
篇二十一：英语幽默小故事
Funny Words from Economists(Part Four)
The four golden rules【1】 of econometrics:
1.Think brilliantly,2.Be infinitely creative,3.Be outstandingly lucky,4.Otherwise, stick to being a theorist.—David Hendry
A good empirical study requires three components:
1.A concise and sensible theoretical framework that is related to 【2】 the questions to be asked,2.Reasonably 【3】 good data, and
3.An experiment or an event or a set of circumstances that give the data a chance to answer the questions asked.In short 【4】 , the model needs to be identifiable from the data at hand.—Zvi Griliches
The purpose of studying economics is not to acquire a set of ready-made answers to economic questions, but to learn how to avoid being deceived by economists.—Joan Robinson
经济学家妙语(四)
计量经济学家的四条黄金法则：
一、机智地思考;
二、无限地创造;
三、相当地幸运;
四、否则，还是去当一名理论经济学家吧。
—大卫·亨德里
一项好的实证研究需要以下三个要素：
一、简洁合理且与问题密切相关的理论框架;
二、相当好的数据;
三、一次实验或一个事件或一系列环境，让数据碰巧给出问题的答案。
简言之，我们需要用手上的数据对模型进行验证。
—兹维·格里利克斯
学习经济学不是为了获得经济问题的一系列现成答案，而是为了学会如何避免被经济学家蒙骗。
—琼·罗宾逊
篇二十二：英语幽默小故事
Funny Words from Economists(Part Two)
Mathematics has no symbols for confused ideas.—George Stigler
All models are wrong but some are useful.—George Box
Far better an approximate answer to the right question, which is often vague, than an exact answer to the wrong question, which can always be made precise.—J.Tukey
In the long run, there's just another short run.—Abba Lerner
Someone once said about partisan analysts that they use economic data the way a drunkard uses a lamppost: for support rather than illumination.Or as Disraeli put it, there are three kinds of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics.—Paul Krugman
经济学家妙语(二)
在思想混乱的地方数学符号无用武之地。
——乔治·斯蒂格勒
所有模型都是错误的，不过有些是有用的。
——乔治·博克斯
对正确问题的近似答案要远远好过对错误问题的精确答案，前者常常是含糊的，而后者则往往是精确的。
——约翰·图基
长期而言，只存在着另外一个短期。
——阿巴·勒纳
有人曾说，有党派立场的分析员使用经济数据的方式，就和醉汉使用路灯柱的方式一样：目的是为了获得支持而不是阐明问题。或者正如迪斯雷利说的那样，只有三类谎言：谎言、无耻的谎言以及统计数字。
篇二十三：英语幽默小故事
Q: What's brown and grey and if it fell out of a tree could kill you?
A: An econ【1】 textbook.Q: What's the difference between an economist and a Haitian deportation officer?
A: One diminishes returns, one returns Dominicans.Q: Why is economic advice so cheap?
A: Because supply always exceeds demand.Q: How many Chicago School economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None.If the light bulb needed changing the market would have already done it.Q: Why do Economists provide estimates of inflation to the nearest tenth of a percent?
A: To prove they have a sense of humour 【2】.问与答
问：什么东西棕色和灰色相间，并且从树上掉下来会砸死人?
答：经济学教科书。
问：经济学家和海地递解官员的区别是什么?
答：一个递减收益，一个递解多米尼加人。
问：为什么经济学家的建议如此廉价?
答：因为供给往往超过需求。
问：更换一只灯泡需要多少个芝加哥学派经济学家?
答：一个都不要。如果灯泡需要改变的话，市场会搞定。
问：为什么经济学家们向我们提供的通货膨胀估计数据会精确到千分位?
答：为了证明他们有幽默感呗。
篇二十四：英语幽默小故事
Having been married a long time, my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion.On the morning of our 35th anniversary, we were sitting at the breakfast table when I hinted, “Honey, do you realize that we've been sitting in these same two seats for exactly 35 years?”
Putting down the newspaper, he looked straight at me and said, “So, you want to switch seats?”
篇二十五：英语幽默小故事
A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world.One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed.First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that.She asked for some jam on her bread as well.Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam.Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now?
篇二十六：英语幽默小故事
Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don't give me a nickel I'll tell my father.Sister's boyfriend: No, don't do that.Here's a nickel.Little brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I've made this month.
篇二十七：英语幽默小故事
Amos asked his mother whether they could have a video.I’m afraid we can’t afford one, sighed his mother.But on the following day in came Amos, staggering beneath the weight of a brand-new video.How on earth did you pay for that? gasped his mother.Easy, Mum.replied Amos, I sold the television!
篇二十八：英语幽默小故事
Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, “Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam.Don't trust dreams, dear.It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite.” Mother replied.“Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight,” Tom said.
篇二十九：英语幽默小故事
My husband，Michael，a bus driver，was passing a deserted bus stop when one of his passengers called out that a woman wanted to get on.He pulled up to the curb and opened the doors.我丈夫，麦克是个开大巴士的。一次当他刚要开过一个无人上下车的车站时，一位乘客喊过有位老妇人要上车。麦克把车停靠在马路边，打开了车门。
After a minute，Michael saw an elderly woman with a cane crossing the street slowly.过了足有一分钟，麦克才见到一位老太太拄着拐杖，慢腾腾地过着马路朝车子走来。
He waited patiently as she made her way to the bus and climbed the steps.麦克衬心地等她来到汽车旁上着台阶。While she was looking in her purse for her bus pass，he began to close the doors.”Wait a minute!”she snapped.“My mother's coming.”
趁老太太打开钱包找月票的工夫，麦克欲关门，老妇人阻止道:“等一会，我妈妈还在后面呢!”
篇三十：英语幽默小故事
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.一个女孩去拜访她的金发朋友，这个朋友最近养了两只“狗”，于是女孩问道：“它们叫什么名字呀?”
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.金发朋友说，一只叫Rolex，另一只叫Timex。
Her friend said, ”Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?
女孩说：“哪有狗狗叫这个名字的。”
“HELLLOOOOOOO...” answered the blonde.“They're watch dogs!”
“那个……”金发朋友说。“他们是监视器!”
篇三十一：英语幽默小故事
Top 9 Reasons to Study Economics
Economists are armed and dangerous: “Watch out for our invisible hands.”
Economists can supply it on demand.You can talk about money without ever having to make any.You get to say “trickle down” with a straight face.Mick Jagger and Arnold Schwarzenegger both studied economics and look how they turned out.When you are in the unemployment line, at least you will know why you are there.If you rearrange the letters in “ECONOMICS”, you get “COMIC NOSE”.Although ethics teaches that virtue is its own reward , in economics we get taught that reward is its own virtue.When you get drunk, you can tell everyone that you are just researching the law of diminishing marginal utility.学习经济学的九大理由
经济学家们会武功：“小心我们的无影手。”
经济学家们能够做到有求必应。
你可以不必挣钱而对金钱夸夸其谈。
你可以开始拉着脸说“涓滴”这一术语了。
米克·贾格尔和阿诺德·施瓦辛格两人都学过经济学，看看他们后来都成为了什么样的人物。
站在失业队伍里的时候，至少你会知道自己为什么失业。
假如重新安排“经济学”这个词包含的字母，你得到的是“小丑的鼻子”。
伦理学教导我们坚守德行本身即是回报，在经济学中我们得到的教导则是获得回报本身即是德行。
喝醉了的时候，你可以告诉所有人你只是在体验边际效用递减规律而已。
篇三十二：英语幽默小故事
Nobel Prize in Economics
Economics is the only field in which two people can get a Nobel Prize for saying exactly the opposite thing.Or Economics is the only field in which two people can share a Nobel Prize for saying opposing things.Specifically, Myrdal and Hayek shared one.(A rumor has it that there was a similar case in neuroscience, Golgi and Cajal, maybe economists are not so different!)
诺贝尔经济学奖
两个持完全不同观点的人都能够获得诺贝尔奖，这种情况只有在经济学领域才会发生。
或者两个持完全不同观点的人能够分享诺贝尔奖，这种情况也只有在经济学领域才会发生。具体而言，缪尔达尔和哈耶克就是如此。
(有传言称在神经科学领域也有类似情形，比如戈尔吉和卡哈尔，所以经济学家也许并非那么另类。)
篇三十三：英语幽默小故事
Too Much Pressure
For a couple years I’ve been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job，but now I found out the real reason：I’m tired because I’m overworked.The population of this country is 237 million.104 million are retired.That leaves 133 million to do the work.There are 85 million in school，which leaves 48 million to do the work.Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government，leaving 19 million to do the work.2.8 million are in the Armed Forces，which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.Take from the total the 14.8 million people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.At any given time there are 188，000 people in hospitals，leaving 1，212，000 to do the work.Now，there are 1，211，998 people in prisons.That leaves just two people to do the work.You and me.And you’re sitting at the table reading jokes.压力太大
多年以来我一直感到很疲惫，我曾经把原因归咎为缺乏睡眠以及来自于工作上的巨大压力。但是，我现在找到了真正的原因：我感到疲倦是因为我超负荷工作。我们这个国家有2.37亿人口。其中1.04亿已经退休了。还剩下1.33亿在工作。有8，500万人还在上学，工作的就剩下4，800万。这其中还有2，900万联邦政府雇员，真正做事的就剩1，900万人，又有280万人在服兵役，就剩下1，620万人在工作。从中再去掉各州和市政府的雇员1，480万人，还剩下140万人工作。但又有18.8万人生病住院，现在只剩下121.2万人工作。其中1，211，998人在坐牢。这样仅剩下两个人在工作，就是你和我。而你却坐在桌边看笑话。
篇三十四：英语趣味幽默小故事
英语幽默小故事：Midway Tactics
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall.Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, “Gigantic Sale!” and “Super Bargains!”
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, “Prices Slashed!” and “Fantastic Discounts!”
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, “ENTRANCE”.幽默故事翻译：中间战术
三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。
右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”
左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”
中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。
英语幽默小故事：Very Pleased to Meet You
During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army.Joan Phillips was one of them.She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance.He said to her, “I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other.” Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.Joan went there and said to the matron, “I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys.”
“Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here,” the matron said.“Oh, that‘s all right,” answered Joan.“I‘m his sister.”
“I‘m very pleased to meet you,” the matron said, “I‘m his mother!”
幽默故事翻译：
在第二次世界大战中，有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作，当然遇到了许多男士，包括军官和士兵。
一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说，“我明天就要出国，但如果我们能够相互写信，我会很高兴。”琼同意了，于是他们几个月里一直通着信。
后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信，告诉她，他受伤了，住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。
琼到了医院，她对护士长说，“我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。”
“这里只有亲属可以探望病人。”护士长说。
“噢，是的，”琼说，“我是他的妹妹。”
“很高兴认识你，”护士长说，“我是他的母亲。”
英语幽默小故事：Two Soldiers
Two soldiers were in camp.The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill.George said, “have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?”
Bill said, “Yes, I have,” and he gave them to him.Then George said, “Now I haven‘t got a pen.” Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter.Then he put it in the envelope and said, “have you got a stamp, Bill?” Bill gave him one.Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, “Are you going out?”
Bill Said, “Yes, I am,” and he opened the door.George said, “Please put my letter in the box in the office, and...” He stopped.“What do you want now?” Bill said to him.George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, “What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?”
幽默故事翻译：
军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔。乔治问：“比尔，你有信纸、信封吗?”
比尔说：“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。
乔治又说：“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把自己的笔给了他。乔治开始写信。写完后把信放进信封里，又问：“比尔，你有邮票吗?”比尔给了他一张。
这时比尔站起来，向门口走去。乔治问：“你要出去吗?”
比尔说：“是的。”随即打开了门。
乔治说：“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有...”他停住了。
“你还要什么?”比尔问。
乔治看着信封说：“你女朋友的地址是-?”
英语幽默小故事：Five Months Older
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18.So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too.This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.“How old are you?” he said.“Eighteen, sir,” said John.“But your brother was eighteen, too,” said the doctor.“Are you twins?”
“Oh, no, sir,” said John, and his face went red.“My brother is five months older than I am.”
幽默故事翻译：五个月大
第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。
可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。
“你多大了?”军医问。
“十八，长官。”约翰说。
“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”
约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”
篇三十五：趣味幽默英语小笑话
趣味幽默英语小笑话：没把头发全剪掉啊
Miles sometime went to the barber's during working hours to have his hair cut.But this was against the office rules: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time.While Miles was at the barber's one day, the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut and sat just beside him.麦尔斯有时在上班时间去理发馆理发，但这是违反办公室规定的：职员只能利用自己的时间理发。一天，正当麦尔斯理发时，经理碰巧也进来理发，而且就坐在他旁边。
“Hello, Miles,” the manager said.“I see that you are having your hair cut in office time.”
“你好，麦尔斯，”经理说。“我看到你在上班时间理发了。”
“Yes, sir, I am,” admitted Miles calmly.“You see, sir, it grows in office time.”
“是的，先生。正是这样。”麦尔斯平静地承认了。“可先生，你看，头发是在上班时间长的。”
“Not all of it,” said the manager at once.“Some of it grows in your own time.”
“不全都是吧，”经理立刻说，“有一些是在你自己的时间里长的。”
“Yes, sir, that's quite true.” Answered Miles politely, “but I'm not having it all cut off.”
“对呀，先生，你说得很对。”麦尔斯礼貌地回答说，“但我并没有把头发全都剪掉啊。”
趣味幽默英语小笑话：以“命”抵命
The English author, Richard Savage, was once living inLondon in great poverty.In order to earn a little money he hadwritten the story of his life, but not many copies of the bookhad been sold in the shops, and Savage was living from hand tomouth.As a result of his lack of food he became very ill, but after a time, owing to the skill of the doctor who had lookedafter him, he got well again.英国作家理查德・萨维奇一度在伦敦过着贫困潦倒的生活，为了赚几个钱，他曾写了有关他自己生平的故事。但是这部书在书店里并没有卖出几本，萨维奇过着朝不保夕的日子。由于缺乏食物，他病得很厉害。后来，由于给他治疗的那个医生的高明医术，他才又恢复了健康。
After a week or two the doctorsent a bill to Savage for his visits, but poor Savage hadn't anymoney and couldn't pay it.The doctor waited for another month and sent the bill again.But still no money came.Afterseveral weeks he sent it to him again asking for his money.Inthe end he came to Savage's house and asked him for payment, saying to Savage, “You know you owe your life to me and Iexpected some gratitude from you.”
过了一两个星期之后，医生给萨维奇送来了一张讨要诊费的帐单，但是贫穷的萨维奇没有钱来偿付。医生等了一个月后又送来了帐单，但仍然未索回分文。几个星期之后，他又送来帐单要钱。最后，医生本人来到了萨维奇的家中，对他说：“你明白，你是欠我一条命的，我希望你有所报答。”
“I agree,” said Savage, “that I owe my life to you, and toprove to you that I am not ungrateful for your work I will givemy life to you.”
“是的，”萨维奇说，“我是欠你一条命，为了向你证明我对你的诊治不是不报答，我将把我的命给你。”
With these words he handed to him two volumes entitled,The life of Richard Savage.说着这番话，萨维奇递给医生两卷书，名叫《理查德・萨维奇的一生》。
篇三十六：初中英语小故事_英语幽默小故事
All In the family 都在这一家
All In the family
都在这一家
Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school.八十岁大的 莎莉从学校把她的成绩报告卡带回家。
Her marks were good mostly.她的成绩不错，A's and a couple of B'S.大部分都是A，还有几个B。
However ,her teacher had written across the bottom,可是，她韵老师在卡片下方写道：
“SALLY is a smart little girl,but she has one fault,“莎莉是个聪明的小女孩，但是她有一个毛病。
she talks too much in school.I have an idea I am going to try,她在学校太爱讲话。我有一个想法我要来试试看，which I think may break her of the bad habit.”
我认为.这个想法可能会让她改掉这个坏习惯。”
Sally's dad signed her report card,莎莉的爸爸签了她的学习报告卡，putting a note on the back ,并在卡片背面注记：
“Please let me know if your idea work on SALLY
“如果你的想法对莎莉很有效，请你让我知道，because I would like to try it out on her mother.”
因为我想要把它试用在她妈妈身上。
篇三十七：初中英语小故事_英语幽默小故事
man&satyr
a man and a satyr having struck up an acquaintance, sat down together to eat.the dabeing wintrand cold, the man put hifingerto himouse and blew opon the “what'that for, mfriend?” asked the satyr.“ mhandare so cold,” said the man, “i do it to warm the” in a little while some hot food waplaced before them, and the man, raising the dish to himouse, again blew opon it.“and what'the meaning of that, now?” said the satyr.“oh,” replied the man, “mporridge iso hot, i do it to cool it.” “nay, then,” said the satyr, “from thimoment i renounce your friendship, for i will have nothing to do with one who blowhot and cold with the same mouse.”
人与赛特 一个人与赛特偶然相识，坐在一起吃东西。正值冬季，天气很冷，那人把手放在嘴边哈气。赛特问道“我的朋友，那是干吗?”这人说“我的手太冷了，这是为了取暖”。过了一会儿，热腾腾的食物端上来了，那人把碟子举到嘴边又吹了起来，赛特问“这又是干吗?”，那人说“哦，我的粥太烫了，我把他吹凉些”。赛特说“从现在起，我要与你绝交，因为我不想和一个反复无常的人做朋友”。
[初中英语小故事_英语幽默小故事]
篇三十八：英语幽默哲理小故事
英语幽默哲理小故事
父子二人经过五星级饭店门口，看到一辆十分豪华的进口轿车。
儿子不屑地对他的父亲说：「坐这种车的人，肚子里一定没有学问!」
父亲则轻描淡写地回答：说这种话的人，口袋里一定没有钱
(注：你对事情的看法，是不是也反映出你内心真正的态度?)
After his father five-star hotel door and saw a very luxury imported cars.Son of disdain for his father, said: “The people who take such a vehicle, necessarily Moyouxuewen stomach!”
Father answered lightly: say such things, certainly no money pocket
(Note: Your view of things, is not it also reflects the real attitude of your heart?)
Let me take it down
An elephant said to a mouse ,“no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen.”
“Pless ,say it again.Let me take it down.”the mouse said.“I will tell a flea what I know.”
为我所用
一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的'最小、最没用的东西。”
“请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”老鼠说。“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,“School-Go slow”.老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?
汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,僦看见一个牌子仩写着“学校----慢行”.(只为成功找方法，不为失败找理由)
篇三十九：一分钟英语幽默小故事
Many ages had now passed away since the Phoenix had been seen in the world.At last he again appeared.Immediately al the different kinds of animals, both birds and beasts, flocked around him.Astonished at his beauty, they stared and admired, and broke out into great praise.But in a short time, the wisest and most prudent(谨慎的)amongst them began to look upon him with an eye of compassion, and they sighed,“O unhappy phoenix!Fate has been hard to him.He has neither mate nor friend.He will never know the pleasure of loving, or of being loved.”
篇四十：一分钟英语幽默小故事
Christmas was coming.Mr Smith had no money to buy any presents for his children.His wife was ill and he spent a lot of money on her medicine.And the harvest was bad and all his family were going go be hungry the next spring.He was quite worried about it.“We had only a cock ,”said Mrs Smith one day.“You’d better take it to the town.Sell it there and buy some cakes and sweets for our children.”
“It’s a good idea!”the man said and caught the cock the next morning and put it into a box.It was difficult to walk on the road covered with thick snow.Two hours later he was very tied and wanted to have a rest.He put the box to the ground and sat down.“The air in the box must be close ,”the man said to himself.“I’d better let the cock walk outside for a while ,or it’ll die.”
So he put the cock to the ground.When he started again ,he couldn’t catch it any longer.“How foolish you are!”Mr Smith called out angrily.“You can herald the break of day at night but you cann’t find the way to the town in the daytime!”
篇四十一：幽默英语经典小笑话带翻译
My husband was showing a box of his baby things，which had been saved for him by his mother to our five-year-old son.He took out a pair of bronzed baby shoes
mounted with an ashtray between them.”Oh, look,Chris,“he said.”These are Daddy's first walking shoes.“
一次，我丈夫拿出一个盒子给我们五岁的儿子看。这个盒子是由他母亲替他收藏的他儿时的用品盒。我丈夫从盒子里取出一双中间还夹有烟缸的古铜色的童鞋说:“噢，克瑞斯，你看，这就是爸爸学走步时穿的鞋。”
Chris stared in amazement.“Daddy,”he said，”I don't see how you ever learned to walk with that ashtray stuck between your feet.”
克瑞斯吃惊地望着那双鞋，“爸爸，”他说:“我怎么就不知道你还学过两脚夹烟灰缸走路呢。”
篇四十二：幽默英语经典小笑话带翻译
My mother and I returned to my parent's house late one evening to find my father，my college-age brother, Steven, and my ten-year-old sister fast asleep.Mom had forgotten her house keys，so we knocked loudly, first at the back door and then the front and side doors.We yelled my father's name over and over, with no answer.The car-horn aroused the neighbors but no one at our house.有一天晚上，我和妈妈回来得很晚。我们发现爸爸、上大学的哥哥、十岁的弟弟都睡觉了。可是妈妈却忘记带钥匙了。于是，我们就大声地叫门。先是在前门叫，然后又跑到后门去叫，到旁门叫，都没动静。我们大声地喊爸爸的名字，按汽车喇叭，邻居都被吵醒了，但是家里仍无人回答。
We drove into town and phoned home, waking Steven.When we got back，he let us in.Dad was in bed，snoring，with the television on.Mom quietly switched it off.没办法，我们只好开车进城，从城里往家打电话，这才叫起了哥哥斯蒂文。回家后，他给我们开了门。爸爸在床上鼾声如雷，电视机开着。妈妈轻轻地把它关上。爸爸立刻醒来。“别关电视，”他说:“我在看呢。”
Dad woke right up.“Don't turn that off,”he said.“I'm watching it!”
篇四十三：幽默英语经典小笑话带翻译
When the young waitress in the cafe in my building started waving hello every day，I was flattered.She was at least 15 years younger than I.在我工作的大楼里有间咖啡馆，那儿的女招待每天见到我都向我打招呼。我因此受宠若惊。要知道她至少要比我小15岁。
One day she waved and beckoned to me.When I strolled over，she asked，“Are you single?”
有一天，她见到我后，朝我招手示意让我过去。于是，我便走了过去。她问我，“你现在是单身吗?”
Why，yes,“I replied，smiling at her broadly.“对，是单身。”我满脸堆笑地说。
” So is my mom，”she said.”Would you like to meet her?“
“我母亲也是，”她说:“你愿意不愿意见见她。”
1.幽默经典小笑话
2.经典幽默小笑话
3.经典儿童小笑话
4.最新职场经典小笑话
5.儿童经典小笑话
6.超经典的精品小笑话
7.冷翻人的经典小笑话
8.八个经典小笑话
9.爆笑的经典小笑话
10.经典的小笑话
篇四十四：英语幽默小故事（带翻译）
故事一：
Warning
Several weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my husband and I decided to visit him.I was careful to call him a few days in advance to ”warn“ him that we would be coming.When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback by the disarray of his room.”Forgot we were coming, didn‘t you?“ I teased.”Are you kidding?“ he replied, ”Why else would I have bothered to clean?“
提醒
我们的儿子是密歇根州阿尔马大学的新生，开学几个星期之后，我和丈夫决定去看看他。我特意提前给他打电话，“提醒”他我们将光临。但是当我们来到宿舍时，他的房间凌乱不堪，我非常吃惊。“忘了我们要来，是吧?”我取笑他。
“开什么玩笑?“，他回答说，“要不我凭什么费神打扫?”
故事二：
Ground Rules
One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau was known of his droll sense of humor.Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, ”Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don‘t mind if you look at your watches during class.I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they‘re still running.“
基本原则
位于吉拉多海角的密苏里东南州立大学有一位我非常喜欢的老师，他奇特的幽默感很是出名。在对一个新生班级讲解他的基本原则时，他说：“我知道我的讲课可能经常会枯燥乏味，了无生趣，所以如果你们在上课时看表我并不介意。不过我坚决反对你们将表在课桌上猛敲看它们是不是还在走。”
故事三：
Midway Tactics
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall.Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, ”Gigantic Sale!“ and ”Super Bargains!“
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, ”Prices Slashed!“ and ”Fantastic Discounts!“
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, ”ENTRANCE“.中间战术
三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。
右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”
左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”
中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。
故事四：
Very Pleased to Meet You
During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army.Joan Phillips was one of them.She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance.He said to her, ”I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other.“ Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.Joan went there and said to the matron, ”I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys.“
”Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here,“ the matron said.”Oh, that‘s all right,“ answered Joan.”I‘m his sister.“
”I‘m very pleased to meet you,“ the matron said, ”I‘m his mother!“
在第二次世界大战中，有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作，当然遇到了许多男士，包括军官和士兵。
一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说，“我明天就要出国，但如果我们能够相互写信，我会很高兴。”琼同意了，于是他们几个月里一直通着信。
后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信，告诉她，他受伤了，住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。
琼到了医院，她对护士长说，“我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。”
“这里只有亲属可以探望病人。”护士长说。
“噢，是的，”琼说，“我是他的妹妹。”
“很高兴认识你，”护士长说，“我是他的母亲。”
故事五：
Two Soldiers
Two soldiers were in camp.The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill.George said, ”have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?“
Bill said, ”Yes, I have,“ and he gave them to him.Then George said, ”Now I haven‘t got a pen.“ Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter.Then he put it in the envelope and said, ”have you got a stamp, Bill?“ Bill gave him one.Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, ”Are you going out?“
Bill Said, ”Yes, I am,“ and he opened the door.George said, ”Please put my letter in the box in the office, and...“ He stopped.”What do you want now?“ Bill said to him.George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, ”What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?“
军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔。乔治问：“比尔，你有信纸、信封吗?”
比尔说：“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。
乔治又说：“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把自己的笔给了他。乔治开始写信。写完后把信放进信封里，又问：“比尔，你有邮票吗?”比尔给了他一张。
这时比尔站起来，向门口走去。乔治问：“你要出去吗?”
比尔说：“是的。”随即打开了门。
乔治说：“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有...”他停住了。
“你还要什么?”比尔问。
乔治看着信封说：“你女朋友的地址是-?”
故事六：
Five Months Older
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18.So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too.This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.”How old are you?“ he said.”Eighteen, sir,“ said John.”But your brother was eighteen, too,“ said the doctor.”Are you twins?“
”Oh, no, sir,“ said John, and his face went red.”My brother is five months older than I am.“
大五个月
第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。
可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。
“你多大了?”军医问。
“十八，长官。”约翰说。
“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”
约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”
故事七：
West Point
My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College.Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms.Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, ”to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point.“
One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture.They explained, ”We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point.“
父亲、哥哥和我到西点军校去观看一场陆军与波士顿大学之间的橄榄球赛。开始之前，我们到处转了转，碰到许多穿着整齐制服的学员。几名游客问新兵是否愿意摆出军姿来让他们摄。“好让我们的儿子知道，如果他到西点军校来学习会得到什么。”
一对中年夫妇走近一名非常漂亮的女学员，问她是否愿意摆个姿势照相。他们解释说：“我们想让儿子知道他没来西点军校错过了什么。”
故事八：
Present for Girlfriend
At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend.”Shall I engrave her name on it?“ the jeweler asked.The customer thought for a moment, and then said, ”No-engrave it ‘To my one and only love‘.That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again.“
送给女友的礼物
在一家珠宝店里，一位年轻人买了一个贵重的小金盒作为送给女友的礼物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面吗?”珠宝商问道。
那名顾客想了一会儿，然后说道：“不--在上面刻‘给我唯一的爱’。这样，如果我们闹崩了，我还可以再用到它。”
故事九：
Be Careful What You Wish For
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.The wife wanted to travel around the world.The fairy waved her hand, and Boom!She had the tickets in her hand.Next, it was the husband‘s turn.He paused for a moment, then said shyly, ”Well, I‘d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me.“
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom!He was ninety.慎重许愿
一对结婚25周年的夫妻在庆祝他们六十岁的生日。他们恰好在同一天出生。
庆祝活动中，一位仙女出现了。她说，由于他们是已经结婚25年的恩爱夫妻，因此她给许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望。
妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“��!”的一声，她的手中出现了一张票。
接下来该丈夫许愿了。他犹豫片刻，害羞地说，“那我想要一位比我年轻30岁的女人。”
仙女拾起了魔术棒。“��!”，他变成了90岁。
故事十：
Wood Fire
One woman lectured her best friend on the nature of the male animal.”Husbands are like wood fires;they go out if left unattened.“
”Does that mean,“ asked the other, ”that they make ashes of themselves?“
森林之火
一名妇女向她最好的朋友大谈雄性动物的特性：“丈夫们就像是森林里的火，一不注意，他们就会燃烧起来。”
“那是不是意味着，”另一个问道，“他们将自己烧成灰烬?”
故事十一：
Best Reward
A naval officer fell overboard.He was rescued by a deck hand.The officer asked how he could reward him.”The best way, sir,“ said the deck hand, ”is to say nothing about it.If the other fellows knew I‘d pulled you out, they‘d chuck me in.“
最好的奖赏
一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何才能酬谢他。
“最好的办法，长官，”这名水手说，“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他们会把我扔下去的。”
故事十二：
Napoleon Was Ill
Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university.However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.”He‘s a good boy,“ said Jack‘s father, ”and if you let him pass this time, I‘m sure he‘ll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well.“
”No, no, that‘s quite impossible,“ replied the professor immediately.”Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn‘t know!“
”Please, sir, give him another chance,“ said Jack‘s father.”You see, I‘m afraid we don‘t take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill.“
拿破仑病了
杰克到一所大学去学历史。第一学期结束时，历史课教授没让他及格。学校让他退学。然而，杰克的父亲决定去见教授，强烈要求让杰克继续来年的学业。
“他是个好孩子，”杰克的父亲说：“您要是让他这次及格，我相信他明年会有很大进步，学期结束时，他一定会考好的。”
“不，不，那不可能，”教授马上回答。“你知道吗?上个月我问他拿破仑什么时候死的，他都不知道。”
“先生，请再给他一次机会吧。”杰克的父亲说：“你不知道，恐怕是因为我们家没有订报纸。我们家的人连拿破仑病了都不知道。”
故事十三：
Real Play
When I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theater‘s current production and write a critique.After viewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: ”The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television.“
逼真的戏剧
我在北达科他州立大学教戏剧入门课时，要求学生们去看学校剧团当时的演出，并写一篇评论。看了一场极为精彩的演出后，一名学生写道：“这部戏剧是如此逼真，以致于我认为我自己是坐在家里的沙发上，从电视上看到的。”
故事十四：
A Fine Match
One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor.She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops.There she bought a mousetrap.The shopkeeper said to her, ”Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse.“
The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it.She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful!When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!
势均力敌
有一天某位女士看到一只老鼠在自家的厨房地板上窜过。她很害怕老鼠，所以她冲出屋子，搭上了公共汽车直奔商店。在那儿，她买了一只老鼠夹。店主告诉她：“放点奶酪在里面，很快你就会逮住那只老鼠的。”
这位女士带着鼠夹回到家里，但她没有在碗橱里找到奶酪。她不想再回到商店里去，因为已经很晚了。于是，她就从一份杂志中剪下一幅奶酪的图片放进了夹子。
令人称奇的是，这画有奶酪的图片竟然奏效了!第二天早上，这位女士下楼到厨房时，发现鼠夹里奶酪图片旁有一张画有老鼠的图片!
故事十五：
Gardening Gloves
For months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed an allergy to gold.On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked me for gift suggestions.I held my hands up and said, ”Well, you‘ll notice that my hands are bare.“
Later that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm.”Happy birthday,“ he said, as I unwrapped a new pair of gardening gloves.园艺手套
几个月以来，我一直在向丈夫暗示我需要一枚新的结婚戒指，因为我对黄金有点过敏。生日那天，我正在干园艺活时，丈夫问我想要什么礼物。我举起双手说：“嗯，你肯定看到了，我的两手都是光光的。”
那天晚上，我满怀热情地拆开了丈夫送的礼物。“生日快乐!”他说。我打开一看：里面包着一双园艺手套。
篇四十五：英语幽默小故事：A Thank-you Note
Once I received a thank-you note from a friend whom I had helped.In the envelope were five lottery tickets that had been scratched, revealing the numbers.”Thank you very much for your help,“ the note read.”As a gift, I bought you some lottery tickets-sorry you didn't win.“
Notes:
(1)lottery n.彩票
(2)scratch v.刮
(3)reveal v.显出
Exercises:
根据短文判断下列句子正（T）、（F）：
① The author received a thank-you note from one of his relatives.② The author had helped one of his friends.③ In the envelope were six lottery tickets.④ The lottery tickets were given to the author as a gift.⑤ The lottery tickets had not been scratched.133.一封感谢信
有一次，我收到一封感谢信，是一个我曾帮助过的朋友寄来的。信封内有五张彩票，都被刮过了，露出了数字。“非常感谢您的帮助，”信上写道，“作为礼物，我给您买了些彩票----真遗憾，您没中奖。”
练习参考答案：
①F②T③F④T⑤F
篇四十六：英语短篇幽默小故事：三只小猪
Three Little Pigs 三只小猪
Storyteller: There are three little pigs living with 讲故事者：三只小猪和他们的妈妈
their mother.Ding-Ding and Dong-住在一起。丁丁和东东
Dong are brother pigs.They are very 是猪哥哥，他们很懒，他
Lazy.They eat and sleep all day.们整天吃了就睡。龙龙是
Long-Long is the youngest pig.She 最小的，她整天帮着妈妈
works all day.She helps her mother 做家务。
to do the housework.Mother pig: You have grown up.You must make 猪妈妈：你们已经长大了，你们得
your own houses.为自己盖间房。
Goodbye, little pigs.Build a house.再见，孩子们。去盖间房。
Be careful of the wolf.小心狼。
Pigs: Yes, Mum.Goodbye.三只小猪：好的，妈妈。再见。
Wolf: I’m hungry.Look!Three little pigs 狼：我饿了。看，三只小猪可
for dinner.Mmm.以做我的美餐。
Sister pig: What are you doing, brothers? 猪妹妹：哥哥，你们在干什么？
Ding-Ding: I’m building a house with leaves.丁丁：我在用树叶盖房子。
Dong-Dong: I’m building a house with sticks.东东：我在用树枝盖房子。
Sister pig: But leaves aren’t strong.猪妹妹：可是树叶不牢固。树枝也不
And sticks aren’t strong.牢固。
Brother pigs: Yes, we know.But it’s easy.猪哥哥：我们知道。但它很容易。
What are you doing, sister? 你在干什么？
Sister pig: I’m building a house with bricks.猪妹妹：我在用砖头盖房子。
Brother pigs: Bricks!That’s very difficult.猪哥哥：用砖头盖，那太难了。
Sister pig: I know.But bricks are strong.猪妹妹：我知道，可是砖头很坚固。
……
Brother pigs: Oh, we’re finished.Let’s have 猪哥哥：噢，我们盖好了。我们打
a nap.个盹吧。
Sister pig: My house is finished.My house 猪妹妹：我的房子盖好了，我的房
is strong.很坚固。
Wolf: Little pigs.Little pigs.Open your 狼： 小猪，小猪，快开门！
Doors!
Brother pigs: No.No.Go away.猪哥哥：不开，不开。快走开。
Wolf: This is very easy.Sticks and leaves 狼：这太容易了。树枝和树叶
aren’t strong.都不牢固。
Storyteller: The wolf blows the houses down.讲故事者：狼吹倒了房屋。丁丁和东
Ding-Ding and Dong-Dong run 东跑到龙龙家。
to Long-Long’s house.Brother pigs: Help!Help!猪哥哥：救命!救命!
Wolf: Stop, you two pigs.狼： 站住，你这两只小猪。
Brother pigs: Open the door, sister.The wolf 猪哥哥：妹妹，快开门。狼来了，is coming.Let me in.让我们进去。
Long-Long: Come in, please.Don’t worry.龙龙：快进来。别担心，我的My house is strong.房子很坚固。
Wolf: Where did they go? Oh they are 狼：他们跑哪儿了？噢，他们
Here.Little pigs.Little pigs.Open 在这儿。小猪，快把门打
the door!开。
Three pigs: No.No.Go away.You bad wolf.三只小猪：不开，不开。快走开。
你这只恶狼。
Wolf: I’ll blow it down.狼：我要吹倒它。
Storyteller: The wolf blows and blows.He 讲故事者：狼吹呀吹，它不停地吹。
blows and blows.But the house 可是房子非常坚固。
is very strong.Wolf: I’ll hit it.Oh.狼：我要撞倒它。噢！
Long-Long: Let’s boil the water.龙龙：我们把水烧开。
Brother pigs: OK.猪哥哥：好的。
Wolf: Oh, oh!It’s hot.It’s hot.狼：噢！噢！好烫，好烫。
Three pigs: Hooray!The wolf is dead.The 三只小猪：好啊！狼死了，狼死了。
wolf is dead
Storyteller: Since then, Ding-Ding and Dong-讲故事者：从那以后，丁丁、东东
Dong work hard with Long-Long.和龙龙一起努力工作。
They work and play together.他们一起工作，一起玩。
这个短剧场景可以自己按情况更改，人可多可少，幽默一点的同学表演。
Napolan and his soldiers（拿破仑这个单词我记不清楚了）
众士兵排列整齐的上。
M: Attention.（立正）Turn right/left.Quick time, march!（齐步走）(吹哨)
Halt!(立定)Turn right/left.At ease!(稍息).Dismiss!(解散)
（在宿舍里）
Ss: Cheer!(干杯)
（班长带着一新士兵推门进来）
M: Hello!Everyone!This is Sam.He is Swede.Today he join us.Let's give
him a warm welcome!
Ss: Welcome!Welcome!(握手、拍肩 和他打招呼，但是他摇摇头)
M: He doesn't know French at all.Ss: What a pity!
有一天，一个士兵慌慌张张的跑了过来。
A.Monitor!Monitor!
M: What's the matter with you?
A: I hear Napolan will be here in a month.M: What shall we do?
B.I hear N often asks three quenstions.and often in an order.The first
one is ”How old are you?“.The second one is ”How long have you been in
the Amry?“.The third one is ”Did you join any of my two compaigns?"
M: All of us have no problem except Sam.He doesn't know French.What
shall we do?
B.I have an idea.From now on all of us teach him the three questions at
any time.Ss: Good!
各种场合：
睡觉: A: Sam.How old are you?
Sam:21.sir!
A: How long have you been in the Army?
Sam: 3 years sir!
A: Did you join any of my two compaigns?
Sam: Both.sir!
吃饭:B:Sam.How old are you?
Sam:21.sir!
B: How long have you been in the Army?
Sam: 3 years sir!
B: Did you join any of my two compaigns?
Sam: Both.sir!
跑步：C:Sam.How old are you?
Sam:21.sir!
C: How long have you been in the Army?
Sam: 3 years sir!
C: Did you join any of my two compaigns?
Sam: Both.sir!
.....Ss: We believe that's no problem at all.A:(慌慌张张的)N is coming.N is coming.(众士兵立正)
N: Hello!Everyone.How are you?
Ss: Fine.Thank you!sir!
Sam 在哆嗦，引起了拿破仑的注意。
N:（走到他的面前）Well.How long have you been in the Army?
Sam: 21.sir.N:(非常吃惊的)How old are you?
Sam:(非常自信的)3.sir.N:(生气的)Either you or I am mad！！
Sam:(洋洋得意的)Both.sir！!
Ss: My god！!
众士兵失望的下场了。
第五篇：英语幽默小故事
英语幽默小故事
The Bear and the Two Travelers
TWO man were traveling together, when a Bear suddenly met them on their path.One of them climbed up quickly into a tree and concealed himself in the branches.The other, seeing that he must be attacked, fell flat on the ground, and when the Bear came up and felt him with his snout, and smelt him all over, he held his breath, and feigned the appearance of death as much as he could.The Bear soon left him, for it is said he will not touch a dead body.When he was quite gone, the other Traveler descended from the tree, and jocularly inquired of his friend what it was the Bear had whispered in his ear.“He gave me this advice,” his companion replied.“Never travel with a friend who deserts you at the approach of danger.”
An ant went to the bank of a river to quench its thirst, and being carried away by the rush of the stream, was on the point of drowning.A Dove sitting on a tree overhanging the water plucked a leaf and let it fall into the stream close to her.The Ant climbed onto it and floated in safety to the bank.Shortly afterwards a bird catcher came and stood under the tree, and laid his lime-twigs for the Dove, which sat in the branches.The Ant, perceiving his design, stung him in the foot.In pain the bird catcher threw down the twigs, and the noise made the Dove take wing.One good turn deserves another
Love Your Life
热爱生活
Henry David Thoreau/享利.大卫.梭罗
However mean your life is,meet it and live it;do not shun it and call it hard names.It is not so bad as you are.It looks poorest when you are richest.The fault-finder will find faults in paradise.Love your life,poor as it is.You may perhaps have some pleasant,thrilling,glorious hourss,even in a poor-house.The setting sun is reflected from the windows of the alms-house as brightly as
from the rich man’s abode;the snow melts before its door as early in the spring.I do not see but a quiet mind may live as contentedly there,and have as cheering thoughts,as in a palace.The town’s poor seem to me often to live the most in dependent lives of any.May be they are simply great enough to receive without misgiving.Most think that they are above being supported by the town;
but it of ten happens that they are not above supporting themselves by dishonest means.which should be more disreputable.Cultivate poverty like a garden herb,like sage.Do not trouble yourself much to get new things,whether clothes or friends,Turn the old,return to them.Things do not change;we change.Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts.不论你的生活如何卑贱，你要面对它生活，不要躲避它，更别用恶言咒骂它。它不像你那样坏。你最富有的时候，倒是看似最穷。爱找缺点的人就是到天堂里也能找到缺点。你要爱你的生活，尽管它贫穷。甚至在一个济贫院里，你也还有愉快、高兴、光荣的时候。夕阳反射在济贫院的窗上，像身在富户人家窗上一样光亮；在那门前，积雪同在早春融化。
我只看到，一个从容的人，在哪里也像在皇宫中一样，生活得心满意足而富有愉快的思想。城镇中的穷人，我看，倒往往是过着最独立不羁的生活。也许因为他们很伟大，所以受之无愧。大多数人以为他们是超然的，不靠城镇来支援他们；可是事实上他们是往往利用了不正当的手段来对付生活，他们是毫不超脱的，毋宁是不体面的。视贫穷如园中之花而像圣人一样耕植它吧！不要找新的花样，无论是新的朋友或新的衣服，来麻烦你自己。找旧的，回到那里去。万物不变，是我们在变。你的衣服可以卖掉，但要保留你的思想。
Ladies and Gentlemen, Good morning!I’m very glad to stand here and give you a short speech.Man’s life is a process of growing up, actually I’m standing here is a growth.If a person’s life must constituted by various choices, then I grow up along with these choices.Once I hope I can study in a college in future, however that’s passed, as you know I come here, now I wonder what the future holds for me.When I come to this school, I told to myself: this my near future, all starts here.Following I will learn to become a man, a integrated man, who has a fine body, can take on important task, has independent thought, an open mind, intensive thought, has the ability to judge right and wrong, has a perfect job.
Once my teacher said :” you are not sewing, you are stylist;never forget which you should lay out to people is your thought, not craft.” I will put my personality with my interest and ability into my study, during these process I will combine learning with doing.If I can achieve this “future”, I think that I really grow up.And I deeply believe kindred, good-fellowship and love will perfection and happy in the future.
How to say future? Maybe it’s a nice wish.Lets make up our minds, stick to it
and surely well enjoy our life.中文大意：）~
女士们，先生们，上午好。我很高兴在这里为大家作一个简短的讲话。
人的一生是一个成长的过程，事实上，我现在站在这里也是一次成长。如果一个人的一生必须面临不同的选择，那么我就是伴随着这些选择成长起来的。曾经我盼望将来能上大学，然而那已经过去了，现在我在这儿，只想知道我的未来会是什么样的。
当我来到这所学校，我告诉我自己：我不久的将来都从这里开始。接着我要学习如何做人，如何做一个正直的人，并且拥有一个健康的体魄，能承担重要的任务，能独立思考，思想开放，心思缜密，有判断是非的能力，有一份不错的工作。
我的老师曾经告诉我说：“你不是在修补而是在创造；永远不要忘记你向人们所展示的是你的思想，而不是你的手艺。”我会将我的性格，兴趣爱好和能力一起融入到学习中去。在这过程中，我边学习边实践。如果我能实现这个“未来”，我就认为我真的成长了。并且我深信我的亲人，好朋友以及爱会使我的未来更完美，更幸福。
如何来解释未来呢? 也许那只是一个美好的愿望。让我们下定决心，坚持到底，那我们的人生一定能过得很精彩。
世界节日（1）Spring Festival（春节）
作者：节日转贴自：本站原创点击数：578文章录入： 湖北华审
The New Moon on the first day of the new year--the full moon 15 days later
Chinese New Year starts with the New Moon（新月）on the first day of the new year and ends on the full moon（满月）15 days later.The 15th day of the new year is called the Lantern Festival（元宵节）, which is celebrated at night with lantern displays and children carrying lanterns in a parade.The Chinese calendar is based on a combination of lunar and solar movements.The lunar cycle（月运周期）is about 29.5 days.In order to “catch up” with the solar calendar the Chinese insert an extra month once every few years(seven years out of a 19-yearcycle).This is the same as adding an extra day on leap year（闰年）.This is why, according to the solar calendar, the Chinese New Year falls on a different date each year.New Year's Eve and New Year's Day are celebrated as a family affair, a time of reunion and thanksgiving.The celebration was traditionally highlighted with a religious ceremony given in honor of Heaven and Earth（万物）, the gods of the household and the family ancestors.The sacrifice to the ancestors, the most vital of all the rituals（仪式）, united the living members with those who had passed away.Departed relatives are remembered with great respect because they were responsible for laying the foundations for the fortune and glory of the family.The presence of the ancestors is acknowledged on New Year's Eve with a dinner arranged for them at the family banquet table.The spirits of the ancestors,together with the living, celebrate the onset of the New Year as one great community.The communal feast called “surrounding the stove” or weilu.It symbolizes family unity and honors the past and present generations.The Origin of Chinese New Year
The Chinese New Year is now popularly known as the Spring Festival because it starts from the Begining of Spring(the first of the twenty-four terms in coodination with the changes of Nature).Its origin is too old to be traced.Several explanations are hanging around.All agree, however, that the word Nian, which in modern Chinese solely means “year”, was originally the name of a monster beast that started to prey on people the night before the beginning of a new year.One legend goes that the beast Nian had a very big mouth that would swallow a great many people with one bite.People were very scared.One day, an old man came to their rescue, offering to subdue Nian.To Nian he said, “I hear say that you are very capable, but can you swallow the other beasts of prey on earth instead of people who are by no means of your worthy opponents?” So, it did swallow many of the beasts of prey on earth that also harrassed people and their domestic animals from time to time.After that, the old man disappeared riding the beast Nian.He turned out to be an immortal god.Now that Nian is gone and other beasts of prey are also scared into forests, people begin to enjoy their peaceful life.Before the old man left, he had told people to put up red paper decorations on their windows and doors at each year's end to scare away Nian in case it sneaked back again, because red is the color the beast feared the most.From then on, the tradition of observing the conquest of Nian is carried on from generation to generation.The term “Guo Nian”, which may mean “Survive the Nian” becomes today “Celebrate the(New)Year” as the word “guo” in Chinese having both the meaning of “pass-over” and “observe”.The custom of putting up red paper and firing fire-crackers to scare away Nian should it have a chance to run loose is still around.However, people today have long forgotten why they are doing all this, except that they feel the color and the sound add to the excitement of the celebration.Traditional New Year Foods
Probably more food is consumed during the New Year celebrations than any other time of the year.Vast amounts of traditional food is prepared for family and friends, as well as those close to us who have died.On New Year's Day, the Chinese family will eat a vegetarian dish called jai.Although the various ingredients in jai are root vegetables or fibrous vegetables, many people attribute various superstitious aspects to them.Other foods include a whole fish, to represent togetherness and abundance, and a chicken for prosperity.The chicken must be presented with a head, tail and feet to symbolize completeness.Noodles should be uncut, as they represent long life.In south China, the favorite and most typical dishes were nian gao, sweet
steamed glutinous rice（糯米）pudding and zong zi(glutinous rice wrapped up in reed（芦苇）leaves), another popular delicacy.In the north, steamed-wheat bread(man tou)and small meat dumplings were the preferred food.The tremendous amount of food prepared at this time was meant to symbolize abundance and wealth for the household.The 15-Day Celebration of Chinese New Year
The first day of the Lunar New Year is “the welcoming of the gods of the heavens and earth.”Many people abstain from meat on the first day of the new year because it is believed that this will ensure long and happy lives for them.On the second day, the Chinese pray to their ancestors as well as to all the gods.They are extra kind to dogs and feed them well as it is believed that the second day is the birthday of all dogs.The third and fourth days are for the sons-in-laws to pay respect to their parents-in-law.The fifth day is called Po Woo.On that day people stay home to welcome the God of Wealth.No one visits families and friends on the fifth day because it will bring both parties bad luck.On the sixth to the 10th day, the Chinese visit their relatives and friends freely.They also visit the temples to pray for good fortune and health.The seventh day of the New Year is the day for farmers to display their produce.These farmers make a drink from seven types of vegetables to celebrate the occasion.The seventh day is also considered the birthday of human beings.Noodles are eaten to promote longevity and raw fish for success.On the eighth day the Fujian people have another family reunion dinner, and at midnight they pray to Tian Gong, the God of Heaven.The ninth day is to make offerings to the Jade Emperor.The 10th through the 12th are days that friends and relatives should be invited for dinner.After so much rich food, on the 13th day you should have simple rice congee and mustard greens(choi sum)to cleanse the system.The 14th day should be for preparations to celebrate the Lantern Festival which is to be held on the 15th night.Auspicious words:
Treasures fill the homeBusiness flourishesPeace all year roundWishing you prosperity
Harmony brings wealth May all your wishes come trueEverything goes wellThe country flourishes and people live in peace
Money and treasures will be plentifulWishing you every successPromoting to a higher positionSafe trip wherever you go
